Count my blessings

Instead of regulating my thoughts on how unfair life is and how racked all my situations are with this and that, let me take my time to count blessings. Simply I'm blessed for all the blessings God poured out on me and for pouring out on me even at this moment. I'm blessed to be the daughter of my parents, who are so pure and true at heart, sacrifices themselves for me and my brother, who would do anything to provide me with happiness. although, they are poor at expressing their love and communicating. Its a huge blessing to have them, I still am so very thankful that my parents understood and accepted me when I asked if I could take a leave of absence for school, it was the time when I was struggling the most and had no hope but they encouraged me and supported me. I mean I still feel terrible that I've done that which delayed my graduation time, my mom wanted me to graduate early so that I could begin to support myself after that, all my mom hoped for was that but I couldn't keep that promise, in fact i still have to rely on them for my tuitions. I mean my mom brings up this subject every once in awhile whenever she's anticipating when she thinks i'm not doing any work, other than that I'm glad that they try very hard to keep it down and quietly support me in many other ways. Another blessing is my brother; to be honest its really hard for me to admit because I want to believe that he's my blessing but I don't feel that from heart. I could probably count with my fingers the times him and I were in good terms, its that rare, usually we keep silent to each other or disappointed at each other for reasons I can't even remember. Its so childish and immature; one thing for sure is that the way we fight lately is a lot different from the past because we don't hit or yell, we ignore each other, which is terrible. Its true, hard to say that he's my blessing but without him I wouldn't be me. without my brother, I won't be a whole because that's how much he influence me and I can't bare to think what could happen if he wasn't around. He's a robust person, he has a strong will and passion. there are of course things I don't appreciate but there are a lot more thing I respect that he has in him. He has hard time showing his emotions and can be very aggressive with words, but I know that he has a soft heart and loves peoples. He's a very hard worker who takes on more than what he has to on his shoulder. He has many burden that I wish he'd let go of but i know he's not ready for that, there so much i wish he'd do and wish he'd understand but.. i'm sure time will come for him. I respect him, although it may not show from my actions, I do from my heart and thats why I rely and expect a lot. I guess since I was little I always thought of him as a hero because I see myself to be very disappointed whenever he does something that I don't understand. which i try not to do anymore. Anyway, there you go, he also is my top blessings. I love my brother, I love my mom and dad. the greatest gift God has given me. 

I must admit, I'm a very pessimistic person, I think of the worst all the time and can't stop complaining about basically everything. I guess i have a lot of hatred in my heart; because I complain about myself, why i'm the way I am, complain about my family, the situation I'm in, the things I don't have and just simply anything and ignore the good things and blessings I got. You can also take the blessings I list to be the top complained subjects. And with all that, all that negative vibe i have, I wanted to do this, count my blessings because I want to change, I want to be happy, thankful, optimistic person, and I know this will help me. So with that, I'll continue,

I'm so bless to be living here in America, especially in Tucson, Arizona. lately i've been really appreciating Tucson, and its environment, everything about it, skies, mountain, road, my neighborhood.. everything is just beautiful. i used to think, Tucson was the most boring, mundane, lonely place for anyone to live in, there's nothing to do, no attractions, colorless place in the world. But I realized, there's no place like tucson; where can you get such a beautiful sunrise and sunsets, amazing weather, quiet and peaceful atmosphere, safe and less-violent city. attractions do exist in Tucson, I just got to look closer and willing to try. I don't know, its also true living here in Tucson really shaped me to be who i am right now and I'm very thankful for that. And since I mentioned about my place, I got to list my community, the people I see and hang out, just anyone that i have acquaintance with, they are my blessings as well. Especially I'm bless for friends I have. I don't have many, I used to you know but quantity doesn't matter only the quality. and I have high quality friends, even though sometime I do hate them because they hurt my feelings or .. I don't know.. But, what I mean is that I'm happy that I met these people. Friends, pastors, elders from church, friends from work, managers, sometimes even the customers, friends from school, class and faculties. friends from the past, just everyone! God probably chose every single person specifically and planned everything out so that I mean that at certain place at certain time, for certain reasons. And those reasons may be for good or for bad, bad as is ways to teach me a lesson, I do not know. I wish i can appreciate every single one of them and can be a good influence, happy vibe to them I know I got to work on that. 

I am so blessed to be doing what I love, Art. Making art, learning about art, researching about art, writing about art, designing art doing everything in the field of Art, which i love! its true sometime I doubt and worry that maybe this is not my way, but I know thats not the voice of truth, voice that wants to fail me. It doesn't matter if i succeed in art is the final happiness, only thing that really matter is that I enjoy every step and moment when I'm doing Art. not the end result, the process. I used to question why I got into art and why i wasn't just normal like other student and just study. but now i'm so blessed that i'm not the majority, rather a minority and unique. Just got to dream bigger and work harder, i mean because I'm doing what I love, shouldn't I want to be crazy about it and influence other from doing what i do? 

I also want to add that i'm blessed to be in the situations I am in. what situations? well, situations that seem like all trouble and hardships. at least that what i thought i was in. but you know what, it could be true that the situations are actually troubles and sufferings, and now i'm rather thankful that i'm in all that because i know those situations will only make me better and strengthen me. Okay, i wish I can list and specifically explain all the situations but that's a whole another story that will take forever so I just want to end with saying that it also is my blessing.

What else, I mean there's so much! i don't think anyone can list all of their blessings, because if you actually take time to think about it, every little tiny bit of my life is all a blessings, the fact that i have mac pro to write this blog, that i've in starbucks, drinking coffee, wearing clothes, listening to music, wearing shoes, have a car, go to UA, have a cellphone, that i have both parents alive, and just simple breathing! it could be fast to list the things I've unhappy about. But anyway, this was a long blog. my skin right below my elbow's hurting from leaning on the edge of the desk for so long, so i'm just gonna abruptly finish this haha, here I end counting my blessing, Just quickly gonna add... Thanks God. Sincerely, I do.